Warrior Women (Lynn Kerstan)

Between my mother the Human Lie Detector ("The cat did not knock over that lamp") and Sister Mary Conrad, the Verbal Sledgehammer ("Don’t give me any guff about the cat peeing on your homework"), I was forced to accept at a very early age that the life of crime was not for me.

I invariably got caught. Always paid the price, plus interest. The cat, on the occasions he was actually guilty, got away scot free.

So whenever I stagger up the foothills to the moral high ground, it’s purely Fear of Consequences put me there. I do not say that with pride.

Worse, though, is a phenomenon I have watched and sometimes, to my shame, been part of. It’s frightfully easy, almost irresistible, to be wicked in a group. Especially if there are powerful or charismatic people to stake out a position and draw the others to accept and promote it. That’s true in history, which features some truly loathesome examples (Nazi Germany, Rwanda, the Ku Klux Klan), but it operates on a small scale as well. Even a partnership of two can get sucked into a deep hole.

Years ago, a potential friend and I were working with someone who gave us lots of problems. No, we didn’t gang up against her. No, we didn’t bad-mouth her to other people. The first rule of self-indulgence is "Do No Harm." But we griped endlessly to one another. Wrote long, savagely witty emails about the situation. It was fun. Sharing our grievances drew us closer. We bonded.

And for the first time, I understood what Jean Paul Sartre meant when he said–I’m paraphrasing here–"Love is two people mutually hating a third."

We all want to "belong," to be one of the kewl group, to be accepted. And way too often, tribes are rooted in the demonization and persecution of a chosen enemy. Think back to junior high school, the Mean Girls, and their victims.

I’ve seen this group-bonding and tormenting of the Other play out from kindergarten through graduate school and at most of the jobs I’ve worked. From car-hopping to college teaching, I saw it. Was occasionally a part of it. Every organization I’ve belonged to was rife with it.

And once this sort of thing gets started, it escalates. Mind you, no one is without flaws. The victim might well have said or done something unwise, or made a mistake. Don’t we all?

As for the persecutors, we’re not talking about evil people here. Most of us have unfortunate tendencies or psychological deficiencies that remain fairly inert until the dark allure of a group supporting our "cause" stirs them to action. Then it’s Katy, bar the door.

Talk radio and blogs and e-mail loops have created even more ways for mean-spirited people to band together and beat up on the enemy du jour. From the safety of their homes, just about anyone can join a mob. And because what they write or say reflects more on their own characters than on the people they are trashing, they generally protect themselves with the shield of a pseudonym or the classic "Anonymous."

What about the bystanders? That would be most of us. Even if we don’t jump in, we enable the bad actions by keeping our heads down and our mouths shut. We’re afraid that if we take a contrary position, we’ll be attacked. We’ll wind up in the scarred ranks of the persecuted. We forget that our silence is alliance. It gives consent.

Which is why I so admire the fearless people who speak truth to power, who stand up when most people back away. The ones who open their hearts and express their feelings so that others can imagine themselves being free to do the same. I aspire to be one of them.

Every once in a while, circumstances leave me no choice. There’s a sword hanging on my wall, a well-crafted "fantasy" sword that wouldn’t cut butter. But it is unutterably precious, because it was given me for being, during a year-long struggle, a "Warrior Woman." That title really belongs to the gallant Teresa Hill, who has a sword of her own. But I managed to do my small part, which goes to prove that even the weakest among us can be strong.

Here on StoryBroads, I have the privilege of blogging with five strong, independent, outspoken women whose integrity is diamond-bright. They unite with others to help and support, not to cause pain or ruin reputations. They always lead from the heart.

Some of you may be wondering why several of us have been writing this week about controversy and personal attacks. Best you seek the answer from a writer who never pulls her punches in a good cause. Jenny Crusie is one of my favorite people on the planet, not to mention one of the most entertaining. Head over and read what she has to say about Clue Cake and the current kerfuffle.
http://jennycrusie.blogspot.com/