Everything Bad Is Good Again (Suzanne Forster)

Turns out we’ve been doing it all wrong. The very stuff we swear off every New Years is actually good for us. It’s healthy. Yes, you read that right. Our bad habits may be extending our lives.

The dh, who’s retired, gets the American Association of Retired People’s (AARP) magazine. I’ve been ignoring it all these years, because, well, I’m not retired, so what could this publication possibly have to say to moi? Turns out, lots. There are golden nuggets of wisdom on every page, including a sidebar in the current issue that debunks some of the myths we hold dear about what’s good for us.

EATING CANDY. You’re not going to believe this. A Harvard study says that sweets-eaters live a year longer than people who never touch the stuff. If you’re thinking a year, that’s no big deal, may I gently suggest that you’re missing the point. Sweets are supposed to be BAD for you. Sweets are poison. White sugar? White flour? Corn Syrup? They’re the devil and his disciples. Every time I pop an M&M, I wonder how many minutes I’m taking off my life, how many brain cells I’m killing, how much damage I’m doing to my immune system. Now I find out I shouldn’t have been tormenting myself as I finished off the entire bag. I should have been patting myself on the back.

But there is a catch. It may not be just any old sweets. Scientists think it’s the chocolate factor. Dark chocolate is loaded with antioxidants. According to the article, another recent study has shown that after eating just one and a half ounces of dark chocolate the study subjects had “improved arterial flow and elasticity”.

HAVING A DRINK OR TWO. This is a direct quote from the article: “Those who drink one or two servings of alcohol per day have a 30% lower heart attack risk than nondrinkers,” says Arthur Klatsky, M.D., chief of the division of cardiology at Kaiser Permanente in Oakland, California.

More is not better, however. When you get into the four or five-drink range, you’re actually damaging the very organs the smaller amount helps. And you can’t save up and drink all your servings on a Saturday night, either. Sorry, that could be a problem for more than your heart. Can you spell hangover? I don’t even need to mention the risks of driving a car.

Red wine has been much in the news lately for its health benefits, but Klatsky didn’t specify wine. Apparently any kind of liquor has beneficial effects. Ole! Margaritas, anyone? The article does recommend that you take your drinks in tall glasses to make them last longer, which is supposed to help you stick to your limit. I think that’s a great idea. BTW, that noise you hear in the background is me and the blender. It takes a lot of ice to make a tall margarita.

STAYING UP LATE. Wow, so far I’m three for three. I eat sweets, I drink margaritas, and I’m an insomniac. I must be the healthiest woman in the world. Actually, the article touts staying up late as a heartburn cure. Apparently the more time you give your meal to digest after dinner the less likely you are to suffer from heartburn and acid reflux. The important thing is staying upright, and even an extra hour is good. A recent study found that you’re seven times more likely to suffer heartburn if you go to bed within three hours of eating dinner.

No heartburn here. Thank you, insomnia.

SLEEPING IN. Okay, this one is truly weird. It goes against everything logical and rational. Scientists are now saying that plenty of sleep will keep you skinny or help you get that way. Wha? How could we possibly be burning as many calories when we sleep as when we’re awake? It’s counter-intuitive. But that’s not the way it works, according to a Columbia University study. It’s all about appetite-regulating hormones, which are disrupted by lack of sleep. Being awake may burn more calories, but it also makes you hungrier. The study claims that people who sleep only six hours a night are 23 percent more likely to be obese than people who sleep seven to nine hours.

Actually, I’m a pretty good sleeper, or was, until I inherited my mom’s beloved tabby, Mandy. Mandy sleeps like a trooper during the day when I’m wide awake—and perks up the second I lay my head on the pillow. But that’s to be expected. Like all cats, she’s nocturnal. However, Mandy has a quirk. She’s never met a closed door she didn’t want opened. And I can’t sleep with the bedroom door open. This has to do with watching too many scary movies as a kid, but try telling Mandy that. If she’s in the bedroom and I close the door, she wants out. If she’s out, she wants in.

So, Mandy’s up all night—and so am I, letting her in and out. It hasn’t affected my poundage yet, but guess what—Miss Mandy has a bit of weight problem. Somebody needs to tell her she’d be much better off staying up with me during the day and get a solid eight every night. Possibly someone could direct her attention to this blog.

BEING A BUSYBODY. This one I love. Gossip is good for you. The Brits have done some research, and they say “dishing strengthens social bonds.” That correlates with a Harvard study that found social connections are a more reliable predictor of longevity than either blood pressure or cholesterol.

So, brew up some coffee and invite the neighbors. You can talk about whoever doesn’t show up. Or get on the internet. It’s one big scandal sheet these days.

PLAYING VIDEO GAMES. They’re claiming that one hour a day improves visual and attention skills. Sorry. You couldn’t pay me to play video games, no matter what the health benefits. I have enough problems from being on the computer night and day for my work. However, good news for you gamers.

So, that’s the list. I think the scientists did good, don’t you? I’m just tickled about the news on sweets and sleeping, but I do have a couple other bad habits I’d like them to get to work on . . . say, procrastinating. Couldn’t we please find out that putting off the things we don’t want to do makes us smarter, richer. skinnier? And how about clutter? If cluttering turns out to be a good thing, my place is heaven is assured.

Oh, and one more thing about the chocolate. I’ve been taste testing to save all of you some time. Lindt chocolate at 70% is very good. They also have 85%, but it’s a little too reminiscent of unsweetened baking chocolate for me. That healthy I don’t need to be. Ghiradelli at 72% is even better than Lindt, and somehow creamier, but possibly it’s higher in butterfat and therefore, calories. Valor, a chocolate bar made in Spain, sounds intriguingly exotic, but at 70% it’s a bit chalky. Still, I forced myself. It’s a sacrifice, but I want that extra year!

Suz