Mother's Day, the Agony and Ecstasy (Suzanne Forster)

Everyone out there who’s a mom intuitively knows what I mean by the title of today’s blog. Is there any day that has the potential to bring more joy or more heartbreak? I don’t think so. Anniversaries and birthdays are biggies, and it’s hard when we’re forgotten, even for the best of reasons, but there’s nothing quite like a Mother’s Day when the phone doesn’t ring, the card doesn’t show up, or the flowers aren’t delivered—and I would know. I’ve had a few.

In defense of my one and only son, Kenny, let me say that he has great compassion, a good and open heart, and I adore him. But okay, he can be a little preoccupied and forgetful at times, and in the past, those times have included Mom’s Day. When he was a teenager living with his dad, my ex, I used to start coaching myself in advance of Mother’s Day, preparing so I wouldn’t be hurt when the phone didn’t ring.

Didn’t work, of course. I was hurt, and the only thing that eventually did work was to tell him exactly how much. I’ve never been good at suffering in silence. But first I had to get past the urge to unload on him, which would only have made him feel guilty and defensive. Whatever I said had to come from my desire to communicate with him, not from my need to change him—and it had to come straight from the heart, my heart. When we finally did talk, I think he felt my pain, and for the first time, heard it.

So, why does Mother’s Day carry an emotional punch that other special days don’t? I think this poem that was posted by a member of my Yahoo group, says it all. I don’t know who the author is, but her kids are blessed to have her.

Before I was a Mom I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunization.

Before I was a Mom - I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put them down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much.

Before I was a Mom - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

Is that true, or what?

So, how was my Mother’s Day this year? Perfect. Was there some agony mixed with the ecstasy? Of course, but not the emotional kind. The agony was actually triggered from a mild case of whiplash. On Saturday, I was in a fender bender on the way home from a meeting of my local RWA chapter, and even though the car barely touched mine, my neck felt the jolt. I’m still a little sore, but healing nicely. The car doesn’t have a scratch.

The ectasy? I got flowers and a phone call from my kid! It actually started late Saturday night with a voice mail message from a man named Art, who was trying to find my home to deliver flowers. Art sounded frustrated, which made me think that Kenny must have been pretty imperative about getting the flowers delivered before Sunday. I didn’t see how I’d get them until Monday, but low and behold, when I opened the door Sunday morning, there was a lovely bouquet of blush pink roses, feathery hot pink daisies, baby’s breath and ferns.

Guess who else is pink? Tickled pink! And okay, yes, relieved.

There were other Mother’s Day surprises. I got a call from my ex, Kenny’s dad, with sincere wishes for a happy day. I wondered as I listened to his message whether he’d decided to bestow good wishes on all of his ex-wives—and I suspect he did because to his credit, he has remained on good terms with each of us—and that’s saying a lot. We are three in number, and he is currently remarried. Some men don’t scare easily, lol.

On impulse, I emailed a Mother’s Day card to my daughter-in-law, telling her how special she is. I don’t do that enough, so it rather surprised me, and it may come as a surprise to her. I hope it doesn’t make her uncomfortable. I felt joy just for having thought of it.

But absolutely the best part of Mother’s Day was realizing that I would have known Kenny loved me even if I hadn’t heard from him. He’s actually getting pretty good about making the people in his life feel loved—and how very grateful I am for that. (But, please, remind me of that next year when I don't hear from him, okay?)

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

It’s true.

Suz