Historical SPAM Headlines

From the home for ridiculous lists--www.topfive.com--here's a sample:

90% off Printing Press Cartridges! Works on all Gutenberg Models!

You'll be mutinous if you don't check out these hot Tahitian babes on Bountycam!

Slice off the pounds with the Antoinette Cake Diet!

Ahoy! You're PREQUALIFIED for 10 pieces of silver from Blackbeard Lending!

Augmenteth Thy Codpiece!

Buy Your OWN Island with NO TRINKETS DOWN!!

Strumpets, Harlots and Unrepentent Slatterns Desireth 2 Meet Thou!

URGENT VIRUS ALERT! Don't Open Your City Gates for Giant Wooden Horses!

Post your ideas for historical SPAM in Comments.