The Beauty of Words - Or Not

I love words. I always have. They are food for my spirit, the pathway to my soul. When I was in college my mother bought me a large, hard cover Webster's Dictionary for Christmas. I've received many many Christmas gifts, many I specifically remember, but none probably as clearly as I remember that gift. I spent a good part of that day reading that dictionary, skipping from word to word. Like a kid in a candy shop, I couldn't land in one bin, but had to jump from page to page, tasting all the words. I still have that dictionary. It's right here with me on my desk. I use it for every book I write. There are a lot newer editions. I know that. And still, I gently and reverently turn the pages of my original Webster's.

And yet, as with everything in life, there is a shadow side to the wondrous gift of words.


I once had a friend tell me that words cause damage that cannot be repaired. I argued the point. I figured that the beauty of words was that for every one that was said, there was another that could follow. If I misspoke, I could always speak again to retract the miss. I could apologize, explain, beg for forgiveness, admit that I didn't really mean what I said. I still believe this to some extent. But as I've lived and grown, I've found that my friend was also right. Some words hit a mark so deep they cannot be removed from the heart. Or the mind. They are remembered. Repeated silently. The pain they caused lingers. On and on. And the scariest thing about this is that you never know which words you say in any given day will have this effect on someone.

I can remember two teachers in school who said one or two words that have stayed with me my entire life. They helped shape me. One was positive. One was not. I had an English teacher in high school who thought my writing was incredible. I can still remember the look on her face one Friday afternoon as I stood at her desk after class. I was there to retrieve a paper I'd written and the joy she expressed as she handed it back, the belief she had in my future as a writer, solidified the dream I'd had since I was a little girl. The dream to be a writer. Her words made me FEEL like a writer.

The second was a typing teacher. No matter how many times I corrected her on the pronunciation of my name, she absolutely refused to say it right. I knew it was attitude. I could type 50 words per minute then and was in a typing I class. The fault wasn't hers or mine. It was a school requirement that in order to take advanced typing you had to take the first course. There was no provision for testing out of a class at that time. She seemed to resent the fact that I finished in five minutes assignments that were supposed to take the whole hour. Anyway, that woman's disrespect has always made me feel just a little bit unworthy for any good accomplishment I manage to produce. I have always felt the need to apologize for any talent I might have that could be any better than anyone else's talent in the same area.

Both life changing experiences resulted from a few words that those ladies probably don't even remember saying. And certainly, they'd just been speaking off the tops of their heads - throwing words out there just as we all do pretty much all the time. I'm fairly certain that neither of them knew that their words hit a very deep mark in my heart.

I've said words that replay themselves in my mind. Over and over. Torturing me with the possible pain they've inflicted. Words said on the spur of the moment. Words said without forethought. Or any thought. What if those words hit a deep mark? What if my carelessly uttered burst of emotion scarred the heart of another? What if it caused damage that can never be repaired?

One such sentence was uttered last year at just about this time. It was the holiday season - early December. My daughter and I were tangling with each other as she struggled to establish and maintain her independence and I struggled not to be hurt by her very natural and healthy need to leave my emoional nest. (She'd already left the house.) The tension and pain of the separation got the better of me and I announced that she and I were no longer connected at the hip. I regret those words more than any other I've ever said. She will always be connected to my hip. To my heart. Whether in this lifetime or another.

I've been privy to other ugly words. Things said in anger. In pain. Most of the time, I think, we can determine the source of those words - the anger or hurt - and take them with a grain of salt. But what about those times when we can't? Or don't? How do we know when we've hit a mark that will irrevocably change the heart of another? Or what if, instead of being erased when the argument is over, the words linger, to be added to by the next argument, and the next, until years later, one misspoken word ends an entire relationship. Because it was the one word that, added to years of others, finally killed the heart those words had been steadily piercing throughout a lifetime.

Sometimes painful words are said with the justification of honesty as if stabbing a dagger in a heart is okay. Sometimes they're said with the trust that we're speaking to someone who loves us so much they'll understand and let the words pass away. Yet, after a time, no matter how unconditional the love, the ugly words become a form of abuse. Those words that seem the most safe are, in truth, the most dangerous as they damage the greatest of loves. The love between parents and children. Between spouses. Between lovers.

And sometimes it only takes a word or two to save a life. To heal a heart. An honest word of encouragement, an avowal of love, these words go straight to the heart, too. But instead of piercing it, they gently hold the heart, wrapping it in a cloud from heaven. How often do we fail to tell someone how much we care about them? And why? When a couple of words can change an entire day - or a lifetime. A year or two ago a writer friend and I were spending some non-writing time together during a conference. She told me she valued of my friendship. A couple of words she probably doesn't even remember. And yet, throughout this past, very very difficult year, there have been many nights that those couple of words, tucked carefully in the heaven cloud in my heart, have given me the strength to continue forward, to continue believing in my worth.

Think of it. Every single one of us, every single day, has the power, with very little effort, to change lives. Whether a prisoner or the president, we all have the ability to choose our words. We can choose how they effect those around us. We can choose, today, just by opening our mouths responsibly, to make our little portion of the world a more happy, positive place simply by saying something nice.

I love words. Overall, I truly believe they contribute far more good than bad in this world as they allow us to communicate our thoughts, our love, our knowledge. They allow us to create stories that take people to far away places. They give us an avenue for dreams. In a way, the negative side of words only makes me love words more as it points out to me the power and impact that a few simple words can have - good or bad. That shadow side puts in stark relief, the beauty of words.

How about everyone else? Can you remember a few casually spoken words that stuck with you, that changed your life?