Standing Up (Tara Taylor Quinn)

For most of my life, with a few notable exceptions, I've been a head in the sander. When I was sixteen, and had my first checking account, if I had to write a check before the money was in my account (like I was being paid that same day and would get the money in there) I wouldn't post the check in my register until after the money was deposited. I couldn't bear to show a negative in my checking account roster - even for a few hours. So I didn't. Then, of course, came the time that I forgot to then go back and register a check, since I didn't do it the moment I wrote it, and ended up with a negative balance for real. That's what happens when you bury your head in the sand. You avoid the hard or potentially negative situation in the moment, but you make a larger problem for yourself for some future moment.

One of the many things I've learned over this past year of major change in my life is this very important truth. It's always better to stand up, to take things head on, to deal with them as soon as the present themselves.

Whether it be making an uncomfortable phone call, paying a bill, running an errand, telling a difficult truth, making an appointment, doing the dishes, confronting someone or going to bed. When it's time presents itself, it's best to just get it done. And when a mistake is made, admit the mistake, apologize immediately. When someone is hurt, listen to them, take accountability, and move on.

When you're honestly being mistreated, don't retreat. Speak up. Act.

And - this is a biggee - when you're being intimidated, stand up. It doesn't matter if you're small. It doesn't matter if the other person is louder than you are. Or stronger. Stand up anyway. Intimidation is wrong. Allowing it is wrong, too.

We've been having problems with our Verizon phones. They're PDA's and the Verizon sales people are very good at their jobs. They sold me this very expensive device, practically promising that it would cook and clean for me. I was happy if it would just get my e-mail, let me surf the net, and play a couple of games. Oh, and make an occasional phone call, too. Yeah, sure, it could do all that, but what they failed to disclose was that the technology for the device had a glitch. The battery power wasn't up to all of the things the phone could do. It's a smartphone but it's not that smart. It runs out of battery after just a few phone calls. It locks up regularly. It shuts off the phone, even when the device is on, so you're missing calls and don't know it. It syncs with Outlook sometimes, and sometimes it forgets to pick up your appointments, but it tells you it did.

I took the phone in. Did I mention that Verizon sales people are really good???? The guy pulls out his own phone - the same PDA and starts to talk about how great it is. Before I left that day, I'd spent another $100 on an extended life battery. It held less charge than the battery that came with the phone. When I took the phone back a second time, another Verizon sales guru got a hold of me. They replaced my phone for free, with the same model, told me again how wonderful it was. By the time I left that day, I'd purchased a second one of the darn things - at $400 a pop - for my husband. We now have two of these PDAs that lock up. That run out of battery within hours of minimal use. That turn off phones and fail to ring, and that sync on random tries.

We take the phones in. Upon noting that we weren't making these things up (their own techs determined the phones had issues) they offered to send us two new phones of the same model. I DON'T WANT IT!!!!!! I tried speaking this fact softly. Two days later, I was telling Verizon that I was going to send a newsletter to my international fan base telling everyone to stay away from Verizon. I've never ever ever said anything like that before in my life. I was that livid. And that determined not to bury my head in the sand, take my free $400 new phones that didn't work, and slink away.

I told Verizon that I'd be happy to settle for a lesser phone, but I needed on that I could rely on. I wanted them to send me the new phones they owed me, just a different model. It could be less expensive. They could save money on the deal. I was sent in circles, though it took careful questioning and noting to figure out their game. I was sent from Customer Service to Tech support and back three different times in a two hour phone call of refusing to back down. I could BE a Verizon salesperson at this point (I'm convinced that that's all every single Verizon employee is, a salesperson - they just SAY they're customer support or tech support.) I know every line - down to, when they put you on hold, every single one of them promises it will be for two to three minutes. No matter what you want. Heck, I could have told them I need them to drive cross country and they would have put me on hold for, you got it, two to three minutes. And the other thing - 'you're eligible for an upgrade.'

Now this sounds great, huh? Except that every single Verizon customer earns that upgrade eligibility after one year of service and all that means is that they allow you to spend another couple of hundred dollars to get a different phone if you want. If you try to switch phones before the year is up, it'll cost you $400 instead of $200. If I wanted to switch models, I could do so, for $200 per phone. Now let's think about this - I've spent $900 on phones that don't work, phones that they sold me and that they admit don't work and that they are going to replace for free because they don't work, but if I want a phone that works, I'm lucky because I can get them for $400 for both of them. Gee, why don't I feel LUCKY!!!!!?????

After the fourth person came on the line, I wanted to hang up. I almost did hang up. I felt myself draining down to the sand, starting to rub my head against it's warmth. And then I remembered my husband, and the way he's patiently and doggedly shown me to stand up. The way he's stood beside me and held me up when I couldn't find my legs to stand on my own. And I continued to argue my case.

In the end, with the sixth person (who I'm convinced was an angel just posing as a Verizon employee) I found out that Verizon has a policy that if your phone has been replaced once, Verizon will switch you to a new model at no charge. Can you believe it? All those people, two hours of run around and listening to the same policy jargon, and the policy existed all along. Our new phones - a different model pda smartphone - is due to arrive tomorrow. They sent me the fed ex tracking number. They were in Memphis last night. I'm paying zero dollars. As a matter of fact, after I stressed my complete and utter frustration, I managed to get a month of free service as well. (I actually tried for three and accepted one!) I don't have a Verizon bill next month. I signed no new contract. They didn't get me anywhere. I stood up.

This is only one example. There are many. And I'm here to tell you that in every single case, whether the outcome is good or not, I'm better and stronger for having faced them head on. The ultimate outcome is less stressful, less painful, and generally, though not always, resolved more to my liking. There hasn't been one case where burying my head in the sand would have been a better choice.

It's not easy growing up. Guess that's why I put if off for so many years! And I don't ever want to completely grow up. I'm still going to walk down aisles in stores with friends and put on goofy hats and take pictures. Or jump into a pool with my clothes on. I still want to wait until 5:00 to leave and drive until 2 or 3 in the morning sometimes, or decide, at one in the afternoon, to go to dinner someplace three hours away and just drive off and do it. I might buy another dog someday because he looks sad in a window, or stay a couple of extra days someplace just because I like being there.

I might even have the tendency, when faced with severe or not so severe conflict, to bury my head in the sand. But it's a tendency that I will fight. And I will win. I'm standing up.

Anybody else head in the sanders? Tell us about it. Come stand beside me. I promise you'll be happier.