Trip Report #2: The Haunted Honda (Suzanne Forster)

Whoever said the journey is more fulfilling than the destination said a mouthful. Last week’s trip up the west coast was amazingly lovely, an oasis in the desert of my life. Well, maybe not that lovely, but I’ve always wanted to say that. I blogged about the stopover in Seattle, and it really was one of my best visits ever to the city. The weather was perfect, the food delicious and the sight-seeing spectacular. I went on my first ever harbor cruise and was treated to gorgeous views of the Emerald City from the water.

So, with everything going so well, I was eager to get to the family condo in Olympia. I’d been warned that it wasn’t in pristine shape. My brother and sister-in-law who usually spend a few days at the condo in late June and always leave the place sparkling had not made their annual visit this year. So, I was in for a bit of a shock.

A sinkful of dirty dishes greeted me, left by various family members who’d visited in the year since I’ve been here. The entire place was badly in need of sweeping, mopping, vacuuming and especially dusting. The cobwebs in the courtyard entry and the back decks looked as if they’d been accumulating since I left. Worse, there was evidence of muddy foot prints on the hard wood floors and coffee stains on the carpet. Not fun to clean up.

But dirty dishes? I couldn’t believe that. In protest I didn’t do anything for three days, including the dishes. But by Thursday of last week, I couldn’t take it anymore. The minute I hit the floor that morning I began cleaning like a mad woman. It took me six hours in all, but when I got done the place actually was sparkling—and I was a total mess. My feet, legs and hands were coated with dirt as fine as soot. I had burrs stuck to my bare feet and seagull feathers in my hair, all from sweeping out the entry courtyard, the most labor-intensive chore. I even swept up pieces of seashells that the seagulls dropped, apparently to crack them open for the bounty inside.

I broke a fingernail and smashed a toenail when the vacuum got away from me in the guest bathroom. I'd adjusted the setting to Hard Floors, which I assumed included tile, but this vacuum is self-propelled and it skated across the tile floor like it was an ice rink, taking me with it. When I yanked it back, it rebounded into my poor big toe which still looks like an abstract painting. It’s not broken or even sprained, but the nail is very colorful.

Housecleaning should come with hazard pay. I’m still wondering how much of that fine dirt I inhaled. Believe me, I had to shower when I was done. Thoroughly.

My next surprise was the two television sets. Someone had been messing with the very complicated pair of remotes that each set requires and neither set would turn on. I got to know the Comcast Cable lady really well one afternoon. She and I spent nearly forty-five minutes together on the phone, just to get one TV working! The other one’s still dark and it can stay that way.

Since I’m in the midst of a writing project, I also had to get the Epson Ink Jet printer working, which I knew might be a problem since I hadn’t used it in more than a year. I was prepared for that but not the shock of having the laptop and printer pretend they’d never met. I guess it’s possible they hadn’t. The laptop is just a little over a year old. Long story short, I now know how to install drivers, do a nozzle check, clean heads and align the type. I could repair Epson printers! Despite that, getting my little Ink Jet operational took three days.

Of course, at one point the cell phone started making strange noises and didn’t want to hold a charge. It still doesn’t, but the noises have stopped. I have no idea what that was about. This is not a new cell phone, but it was making new noises.

Then came the real nightmare. The first person to notice the back tire on my mom’s ancient Honda was the guy collecting the grocery carts in Safeway's parking lot. He came right over to tell me I probably shouldn’t be driving on a tire that low and gave me directions to the nearest Les Schwab, where they fill tires for free. This was not good news—the low tire, not the free air—because the tires were brand new. I’d bought them the year before because one had the tires had a lump the size of an orange that made the steering wheel jump. But the car had been in storage in the condo’s garage until this trip, so the last thing I expected was trouble with the tires. Anything and everything else, yes, but not my brand new tires.

So, I headed straight over to Les Schwab, only to be told the tire had a piece of metal in it, and I should come back the next day. A metal spike in the tire of a car that had been in storage a year? But wait, it gets worse. When I went back the next day, he told me the spike was in the sidewall and the tire couldn’t be repaired. I would have to get a new one. And then to rub it in, he told me Les Schwab offers free road hazard warrantees with all their tires. If I’d bought the tires there, it would have been replaced at no cost. Wonderful.

You’d better believe I tracked down the culprit who’d been driving the car and made that sucker pay for the new tire. And I’m happy to say it’s a Les Schwab special with a free road hazard warrantee. I no longer live in fear of metal spikes. Yay.

Another lesson learned: Don’t entertain friends with tales of your mishaps and then joke about what else could go wrong. Just about everything could.

The night I drove home on my new tire, I remember thinking if bad news came in threes then I was safe. While I was downstairs in the bathroom, changing into warmer clothes to go out to a Mexican restaurant, I heard a car alarm. It was obnoxiously loud, and I wondered why in the world the neighbors didn’t do something. As I trudged upstairs to see what the heck was going on, I realized it was the Honda! Hereinafter to be known as the haunted Honda.

I hit the panic button to turn the alarm off, but it didn't work. Eventually I managed to silence the monster, but everything I did turned it back on again, and it was break-your-eardrums loud. I'm surprised the whole neighborhood wasn't over here.

I have now learned that AAA will not come rescue you when your car alarm goes nuts. They claim to know nothing about car alarms. I sometimes wonder why I've had AAA all these years and never used it. The one time I need them, they can't help me! Desperate, I called the mechanic who installed the system, and he told me to disengage the in-line fuse from the positive side of the battery. HUH???

What battery? What fuse? I don't know from the inside of a car engine. Fortunately, I didn’t have to enter the belly of the beast. I locked and unlocked the doors, using the remote. When I’d tried that before it had set off the alarm, but this time it didn’t. I tried it once more. No alarm. Then I got brave enough to open the door. No alarm. I got in the car and sat down. No alarm. I took a deep breath and put the key in the ignition. This was the real test. I turned it on and the car started up. NO ALARM!

Enough excitement, you're thinking? I wish. Just one last little problem lay in wait for me, although it had nothing to do with cars. Some rather embarrassing medication went missing. My doctor gave me samples of the meds, which I brought with me on this trip. I left the prescription home, thinking what I had would be plenty. But somehow, I lost the samples en route, so I put in a call to the dh, who Fedexed me the prescription. The next day, just after the Fedex package arrived, I found the samples in a drawer that I don’t remember putting them in. Really, I have absolutely no recollection, and I’m sure I would have remembered. Now, I’ve lost the Fedexed prescription. It’s just gone. It was sitting on the bottom of the bed when I last saw it. I was hurriedly cleaning up because company was coming over, and maybe I put it somewhere, but I’ve looked everywhere, including the drawer I don’t remember putting the sample in.

Is someone messing with me? Sure seems like it, except that there’s no one here except me. Last time I was up here my credit card number was stolen and whoever did it charged a couple thousand dollars to my card. The credit card company actually caught the discrepancy before I did and didn’t pay the charges. The time before the furnace went bad and there was a CO leak. That was pretty terrifying, and another lesson learned. I now have a new furnace. More important, we installed smoke and CO detectors.

Friends have already suggested the condo might be haunted. In years past the creaking and cracking noises were really alarming, especially at night. It sounded like guns going off. My sister-in-law stayed here alone one night and didn’t sleep a wink. The noises were particularly loud in the winter when I was using the furnace. The new furnace seems to have taken care of that, thank goodness.

Actually, if anything’s haunted around here, I'm thinking it has to be the car. The alarm has gone off twice since the garage episode, and for no known reason. If it happens again, I’m going to pull the fuse. Hear that, ghosts? I now know where the battery is, and I’m not afraid to go there.

Suz, daring to go where the AAA fears to …