Dozer Speaks! (by Dozer, with some help from Maggie)

Hi! I'm posting for Mom today because she's a little on the busy side. So it's left to me, and I really don't mind. A lot of you hear about me in her posts sometimes, but I think I should get to have a say every once in awhile.

Mom says I'm an English Mastiff. I don't know what that means. I'm actually a puppy. I'll be 8 months old next week, and my favorite place to be is in someone's lap. So that mastiff thing is, I guess, just a way to tell you what I look like. (I'm posting some of my favorite pictures to help, too.) I look just like a movie star. If you ever watched my favorite movie, Turner & Hootch, then you've pretty much seen me. (I look like Hootch, not Tom Hanks, just in case there's any confusion.) Except Hootch is a Bull Mastiff, and I'm an English Mastiff, and the only real difference between the two, Mom says, is that I get bigger. Or so I'm told. I don't FEEL big.

But I guess I am. When I jumped onto mom's bed the other night, there was this terrible crunching, clanging sound, and pieces of metal went flying in all directions from somewhere underneath. It really startled me! And now the bed--she calls it a futon--well, it's shaped funny. Like the letter V, mom says, though I wouldn't know, cause I can't read. But when she lies down, she's in a little trench in the middle, and the bed angles up on either side of her. When I get in with her, it flattens out better, if I stay far off to one side. But I'd rather snuggle close, so then the angle makes me roll downward onto Mom. She grunts a groans a lot when that happens. But still, she says it's okay. It's not a real bed anyway. Our real bed is a great big strong one, so once we get that one set up, we should be fine. I don't know why we're not using it already, but I think it has something to do with the noisemakers.

The noisemakers are mostly guys, and one girl--and boy, do I love them! They come over almost every day, and when I hear them arrive, I get so excited! Then mom opens the door of our little room, and I get to run out and say hi. They're pretty good at saying hi back. They pet me and play with me and talk to me in funny voices. But after a few minutes, I have to go back in the room with Mom, and that's when they start making noise. A lot of noise. Sometimes it's okay, but sometimes it's a bit upsetting and I have to bark at them to tell them to quiet down. They pound on things and run machines that growl and cut things and who knows what else?

Every time they go home, Mom and I go out and walk around the rest of the house, the part we don't live in (don't ask me why, it's way bigger than where we DO live. Mom keeps saying we're gong to live out there soon, but I don't know what she's waiting for.) Anyway, every single time we walk around at the end of the day, there' s something different. Sometimes the differences are good--sometimes not so much. There was a lot more room in the "kitchen" before they put those pesky "cupboards" on the walls. But the changes always smell really interesting. Paint and varnish and freshly cut boards have nifty aromas, and I'm enjoying those a lot. And usually, there are lots of goodies on the floor for me to chew. My favorites are sand paper, rubber gloves, and pieces of wood. I can always find something if I snoop long enough. Mom goes upstairs to look around too, and I bet there are things changing up there every day too, but I can't say for sure, because I'm afraid of stairs. They're SCARY.

I've discovered a new game that's the best one ever. Apple picking! There's this big tree on the lawn, and up until lately it was just an ordinary tree, but now it's got these round, sweet smelling, yummy tasting apples growing all over it, and I can reach them. I just love yanking them off the branches, chewing on them a while, throwing them around and then chasing them. When one gets a little chewed up, I just grab another. It's FUN! I really think everyone should try it. You'll love it too. It's almost as much fun as playing with my cat, Glory. Maybe more fun, cause she usually only wants to play for a minute or two and then she gets all twitchy and hissy and then she runs away.

Even though my noisemakers and my mom have been keeping me company, I've had a very lonely week, cause my favorite guy ever (my dad) has been away, and I miss him like I'd miss a meal. It's depressing, I gotta tell you. Nobody plays with me like he does. They try, but it's just not the same. But Mom says he's back today, so I'm pretty wound up about that. I'm going to run right up to him when I see him, and knock him right on the floor and lick his face, so he'll know I missed him. (Mom says she's going to do the same thing, but she's going to have to get in line behind me! People! Sheesh!)

So that's pretty much my story. I like my life a lot. Every day is fun, fun, fun.