The Key to Happiness is… (Suzanne Forster)

… the L word. Love! No surprise there. Just the other day I heard Gary Newman, a rabbi and psychotherapist, talking about happiness on the Oprah show and he said, paraphrasing here, that happiness comes from loving and being loved. But here’s the surprise. We all want to be loved, of course, but giving love actually makes us happier than getting it. And I’m not just talking about romantic love. Any kind of love works.

If you have any doubts, just focus on how you feel when you’re being loving. It’s both physical and emotional, a response that affects your entire system. Your heart opens up and you can feel yourself growing warmer, as if the blood is flowing a little faster and easier through your veins. Your eyes crinkle and a smile sneaks onto your lips. Even your eyes dilate. When people talk about glowing, this is what they mean.

So, when you’re feeling unloved, you may be focusing on the wrong thing. Show someone some love and you will immediately feel better—happier, and even empowered . Even the smallest compliment can bring a smile and make someone’s day. Try it and see. You are not just a benevolent being, you are a powerful one!

But love is not the only key, as it turns out. There are multiple locks to the Door of Happiness. Often what makes you happy is counter-intuitive, which is probably why we thrash around a lot when we’re feeling unhappy and ultimately eat those potato chips or that bowl of ice cream, which usually makes us feel worse. For example, when you’re feeling deprived—those overall gloomies that life isn’t fair and you’re not getting what you need or too much of what you don’t need and despair is overtaking you—what’s the obvious way to make yourself feel better?

Well, to try and fill the need, of course. So, you either ask others to give you what you need, which may or may not work, depending on the circumstance, or you go out and get it yourself, which also may or may not work.

There’s nothing wrong with the afore-mentioned methods. It’s not wrong to ask the people in your life for what you need, especially if you haven’t been doing that. It may be a very important step in your relationships. Also, it’s wonderful for your confidence and sense of accomplishment to go out and get it for yourself. But, is there another way? Possibly even better? Definitely quicker?

When you feel as if you’re not being given to, the quickest way out of it is to give to others. Give to someone else who may need it even more than you do. Nothing—and I mean nothing—will make you feel better about yourself. Even envisioning it will make you feel better. You’ll make someone else’s day, restore their faith in human kind, and possibly setting an example they’ll follow in their own lives. IOW, you’ll be paying it forward.

So, if you’re feeling financial deprivation, give away some money, even if it’s spare change. Emotional deprivation? Give away some love. And if you’re feeling depressed, the best way out of it is to do something nice for someone else. Volunteer. Brighten up someone’s life and you brighten your own. It’s catching.

Oh, and before I forget to mention it again this week, I actually have a book out! Finally! The Private Concierge made its debut the last week in September.

For Suzanne, happiness is seeing her book on the shelves!