Here We Go Again (Maggie)
posted by Maggie Shayne
on
Thursday, January 08, 2009
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Researchers at the Family and Personal Relationships Laboratory at Heriot Watt University in Scotland have released a paper that got a lot of media attention over the past two weeks, but I was busy blogging about holiday stuff then.
Now, I'm ready to tackle it. According to this paper, watching romantic comedies can be bad for real life romantic relationships, because they raise the audience's expectations of what a real life love should be.
And I say, bullcookies.
But let me elaborate. Perhaps the researchers might want to check around before wasting their time re-visiting topics that have already been covered. See, we used to get this same kind of doom & gloom nonsense from various "experts" about romance novels. They said they were bad for women. Dangerous to real life relationships. Made woman expect far too much from real life men and left women disappointed when our relationships didn't turn out like the ones in the books.
And back then I said, bullcookies.
More importantly, so did Jayne Anne Krentz and a powerful, brilliant group of authors, including one of our Storybroads here, Anne Stuart, in a book called DANGEROUS MEN AND ADVENTUROUS WOMEN, (University of Pennsylvania Press, 1992.)
In the book, these same charges now being leveled at romantic comedies, then being leveled at romance fiction, are answered intelligently, wisely, and accurately. And one of the most important flaws in these studies, both of them, is the assumption that the general public can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. You don't see anyone warning us to stay away from horror movies, so we won't develop an irrational belief in monsters that will damage our psyches, do you?
The big difference in the studies, then and now, is that the original arguments seemed heavily aimed at women. It was women whose expectations were being raised irrationally high by the books, women who couldn't tell fiction from real life, women who shouldn't allow themselves to fantasize, lest they enjoy it too much.
This new study seems weighted more toward men. Men will get an illogical view of how easy it is to have a wonderful, fulfilling relationship. Men will fall for the notion that there's one perfect mate just for them, and that they'll know her the minute they see her. (I haven't seen too many movies based on that premise, have you?) Men will get unrealistic notions about true love and happily ever after.
Come on. First of all, men hate romantic comedies! You have to bribe, beg and negotiate with them just to get them to watch one at all, and then they roll their eyes through most of the film. They're not going to leave the theater and change their world view according to 80 minutes of what they consider silly emotional drivel.
And secondly, if some poor man does start getting the wrong idea about love from a movie, you can believe the woman who dragged him kicking and screaming to the theater will be happy to tell him that what worked for Julia Roberts wouldn't work for her. "Personally, hon, I wouldn't make you overcome your biggest phobia, climb a fire escape and propose at the top of your lungs. For me, all you'd have to do is ask. Maybe give me a rose or a daisy or a dandelion or a package of peanut M&Ms, for that matter."
Look, these people writing these papers base their premises on one thing. "I know more than you do. I know what's good for you more than you do, I know how you think more than you do, and I know what you should be doing, eating, living, viewing, reading, thinking, and experiencing more than you do." That's the only way they could possibly justify releasing these ridiculous papers in which they tell us what's good for us.
If any human being's life is messed up by watching a movie or reading a novel, then that person had problems before walking into the theater or bookstore. Which means it wasn't the movie. And it wasn't the book. Which means no book and no film can screw up a person's life. There, I said it.
Romance novels, it was discovered after all the dust settled, are good for women. Psychologists have been known to recommend them to women who've been abused by their partners, because they are empowering. They show women facing powerful adversaries and winning in the end. They show women triumphing in the end, and finding a deep and abiding love along the way. And there is nothing bad about that.
Romantic comedies show very similar things a lot of the time. But they're not always about empowering the female half of the couple. They seem to me more about empowering love itself. About empowering relationships. About giving hope that there can be someone for everyone, and that you can have your happily ever after. And what is so wrong with that? In romantic comedies, it's love that triumphs over all. And I think that's a wonderful message!
What is so bad about depicting people who are madly in love and happy together? That's not an unrealistic expectation at all. A lot of people fall in love. A lot of people manage to be happy together.
What is with this notion that anything that gives people high hopes is bad for them? High hopes equal great expectations, and you get what you expect. You attract what you focus on.
So if you believe in love and happiness and romance, then you darn well can have it for yourself, and there's no reason not to dare hope.
And yeah, this is, admittedly, coming from someone who believes in magic, and hands-on healing, and signs and omens, and animal guides, and angels and fairies and Santa Claus. I admit it, I also believe in love, which some seem to think is the most ridiculous of them all.
Don't you listen to them! Not for one minute!
There are examples everywhere, love stories between real life people that are more blissful and perfect than anything dreamt of by Harlequin or Hollywood. And they're real. And they're true. Don't tell us not to believe in love, you burned out, skeptical, frustrated, probably very lonely researchers! We know the difference between fiction and real life. But we also know that love is real and available to all of us, if we just open our hearts and believe in it.
I'd love readers to tell me their favorite real life love stories. Or post your favorite scenes from romantic movies and tell me how they made you feel!
Maggie
Now, I'm ready to tackle it. According to this paper, watching romantic comedies can be bad for real life romantic relationships, because they raise the audience's expectations of what a real life love should be.
And I say, bullcookies.
But let me elaborate. Perhaps the researchers might want to check around before wasting their time re-visiting topics that have already been covered. See, we used to get this same kind of doom & gloom nonsense from various "experts" about romance novels. They said they were bad for women. Dangerous to real life relationships. Made woman expect far too much from real life men and left women disappointed when our relationships didn't turn out like the ones in the books.
And back then I said, bullcookies.
More importantly, so did Jayne Anne Krentz and a powerful, brilliant group of authors, including one of our Storybroads here, Anne Stuart, in a book called DANGEROUS MEN AND ADVENTUROUS WOMEN, (University of Pennsylvania Press, 1992.)
In the book, these same charges now being leveled at romantic comedies, then being leveled at romance fiction, are answered intelligently, wisely, and accurately. And one of the most important flaws in these studies, both of them, is the assumption that the general public can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. You don't see anyone warning us to stay away from horror movies, so we won't develop an irrational belief in monsters that will damage our psyches, do you?
The big difference in the studies, then and now, is that the original arguments seemed heavily aimed at women. It was women whose expectations were being raised irrationally high by the books, women who couldn't tell fiction from real life, women who shouldn't allow themselves to fantasize, lest they enjoy it too much.
This new study seems weighted more toward men. Men will get an illogical view of how easy it is to have a wonderful, fulfilling relationship. Men will fall for the notion that there's one perfect mate just for them, and that they'll know her the minute they see her. (I haven't seen too many movies based on that premise, have you?) Men will get unrealistic notions about true love and happily ever after.
Come on. First of all, men hate romantic comedies! You have to bribe, beg and negotiate with them just to get them to watch one at all, and then they roll their eyes through most of the film. They're not going to leave the theater and change their world view according to 80 minutes of what they consider silly emotional drivel.
And secondly, if some poor man does start getting the wrong idea about love from a movie, you can believe the woman who dragged him kicking and screaming to the theater will be happy to tell him that what worked for Julia Roberts wouldn't work for her. "Personally, hon, I wouldn't make you overcome your biggest phobia, climb a fire escape and propose at the top of your lungs. For me, all you'd have to do is ask. Maybe give me a rose or a daisy or a dandelion or a package of peanut M&Ms, for that matter."
Look, these people writing these papers base their premises on one thing. "I know more than you do. I know what's good for you more than you do, I know how you think more than you do, and I know what you should be doing, eating, living, viewing, reading, thinking, and experiencing more than you do." That's the only way they could possibly justify releasing these ridiculous papers in which they tell us what's good for us.
If any human being's life is messed up by watching a movie or reading a novel, then that person had problems before walking into the theater or bookstore. Which means it wasn't the movie. And it wasn't the book. Which means no book and no film can screw up a person's life. There, I said it.
Romance novels, it was discovered after all the dust settled, are good for women. Psychologists have been known to recommend them to women who've been abused by their partners, because they are empowering. They show women facing powerful adversaries and winning in the end. They show women triumphing in the end, and finding a deep and abiding love along the way. And there is nothing bad about that.
Romantic comedies show very similar things a lot of the time. But they're not always about empowering the female half of the couple. They seem to me more about empowering love itself. About empowering relationships. About giving hope that there can be someone for everyone, and that you can have your happily ever after. And what is so wrong with that? In romantic comedies, it's love that triumphs over all. And I think that's a wonderful message!
What is so bad about depicting people who are madly in love and happy together? That's not an unrealistic expectation at all. A lot of people fall in love. A lot of people manage to be happy together.
What is with this notion that anything that gives people high hopes is bad for them? High hopes equal great expectations, and you get what you expect. You attract what you focus on.
So if you believe in love and happiness and romance, then you darn well can have it for yourself, and there's no reason not to dare hope.
And yeah, this is, admittedly, coming from someone who believes in magic, and hands-on healing, and signs and omens, and animal guides, and angels and fairies and Santa Claus. I admit it, I also believe in love, which some seem to think is the most ridiculous of them all.
Don't you listen to them! Not for one minute!
There are examples everywhere, love stories between real life people that are more blissful and perfect than anything dreamt of by Harlequin or Hollywood. And they're real. And they're true. Don't tell us not to believe in love, you burned out, skeptical, frustrated, probably very lonely researchers! We know the difference between fiction and real life. But we also know that love is real and available to all of us, if we just open our hearts and believe in it.
I'd love readers to tell me their favorite real life love stories. Or post your favorite scenes from romantic movies and tell me how they made you feel!
Maggie
Labels: believing, dangerous men and adventurous women, Maggie Shayne, Romance novels, romantic comedies, studies
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